Relocating, Panicking & Pretending to Be Fine
Moving Again… and Again (Internally)
So, I’ve officially resigned. I'm currently
serving my notice period, smiling politely through exit calls, and pretending I
have it all figured out—when in reality, I’m spiraling into a mild (okay,
medium-rare) panic over moving to another
country. Yep, that’s right. International relocation. Fancy title,
terrifying logistics.
Now before you ask—“But didn’t you choose this life?”—yes, yes I did. I raised
my ambitious little hand and said, “Pick me, I’m ready!” But here’s the plot
twist: choosing chaos doesn’t magically make it less chaotic. So yes, I’m
excited. And yes, I’m also an anxious ball of emotional yarn. Both can
co-exist. Let’s normalize this, okay?
To calm myself, I did what any overthinking,
control-loving, type-A adult does—I made an Excel spreadsheet. Not one tab.
Multiple tabs. A multi-tabbed masterpiece of madness:
·
“Things to carry” (that will probably exceed
baggage allowance)
·
“Things to ship” (aka things I won’t see again
for 3 months)
·
“Things to do before leaving India” (includes
everything from cancelling milk subscription to emotional goodbyes)
Now here’s the kicker: every time I check off one task, four
new ones magically appear. It’s like my to-do list is breeding. Who knew Excel
sheets could be so... fertile?
Oh, and just to make things extra breezy, I’ve
also planned a short trip to see family before I go (because, feelings), and
I’ll be hosting guests for 10 days just a week before departure. So while two
months sounds like plenty of time, in
reality, I’m one unexpected courier delay away from a full-blown breakdown.
And let’s not even get started on the visa
process. Between consulate calls, notarized documents, and bio-data forms that
want to know your great-grandmother’s blood type—it’s a lot. And once I do land in this new country, there’s still a
whole second act:
·
Finding a house
·
Setting up said house
·
Pretending to be cool and confident at a new job
·
Doing all of this alone
Just writing this down is giving me heart
palpitations. I don’t even know how to describe this feeling. It’s like I’m
thrilled and terrified at the same time. Am I going crazy? Or is this what
normal looks like for people who switch countries and careers in the same
breath?
Look, I know people who’ve changed zip codes
more times than I’ve changed my bedsheets—and they’re just fine. But maybe they’re not the ones who create Excel
spreadsheets with conditional formatting and color-coded anxiety. Maybe they don’t measure peace of mind in
percentage of rows completed.
Call it what you want—control freakery,
project management obsession, borderline madness—but for me, my Excel sheet is
my therapist. Watching those checkboxes get ticked off is my version of
meditation. It’s not glamorous, but it works.
So tell me—am I the only one spiraling via
spreadsheets? Or do you also have a “method to your madness”? What helps you
when life feels like a to-do list with no bottom?
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